Blogging for LGBT Families

Making it in just under the deadline, here's Gus's moms' contribution to Blogging for LGBT families.

Gus has two moms. Like the book with a similar title about Heather, that sometimes causes a stir. Most often, however, people are just surprised and a little embarassed. Usually because they asked some question like "whose baby is he?" or "which one of you is the mom?" or "are you sisters?." Just for the record, if you are one of the people who has asked us or a family like ours this question, don't feel bad that you asked, but think about it next time. Families these days aren't just a mom and a dad- even in straight families there are all kinds of blends and mixes. Gus will probably attend a school where kids have more than one mom or dad because of step-parents, adoption, kids with single moms or dads, kids raised by no parents, and other amalgams I can't even think of right now. So assuming only one of us is his "real" mom doesn't make so much sense in such a world.

In fact, we're not that much different than any other family. We watch way too much television. Our child is the center of our universe and we think he is completely smarter, funnier, and cuter than any other child ever born. We sometimes get mad at each other when one of us borrows the other's car and don't fill it up with gas. We hate doing the dishes. We worry way too much about Gus's safety. We gossip about our neighbors and they gossip about us. We have concerns about childcare and about money. We love each other and can't imagine being a family with anyone else. We will miss Katie Couric. We buy too much food at the grocery store and never eat it all. We take bad pictures and think they are professional quality. We argue over whether or not to turn on the air conditioning. We sleep late on Saturdays. We go to church. Our home has been taken over by baby stuff. Although we doubt ourselves sometimes, we are good parents, our son has a good, nurturing home.

But yes, as bigots like to point out, we are different in some ways. Some ways don't matter all that much- we miss the show "Seventh Heaven," we have a milkman, and we only have one bathroom in our house. We own 4 carseats and have 2 cars. Who cares? But some of the differences are bigger: we don't get to be on each other's insurance (one of our employers does not provide domestic partner benefits). We don't get those tax benefits that married folks get. We have to spend money and time and worry to make sure we have all the paperwork in order to try to get the most protection for our family that we can get, and it's never the same as folks who are allowed to get married. We also only have and will only have children who are planned for, dreamed about, and wanted from before the moment they are conceived. We're together because we want to be, not because it's a pain to get divorced.

Despite these unique circumstances, what might surprise folks who don't know that much about LGBT families is that we aren't that different. In fact, we're really boring. Really, really boring. We're not substance abusers or promiscuous. Gus has plenty of male influence and role models in his life, both his legal family members and honorary ones. We're not hoping or trying to "make" Gus be gay. We don't hate men or dress up like them. We're as good as and pretty much the same as any other family out there.